Valentine’s Day is about showing love. Carolyn Moor learned about the gains of love through loss. Twelve years ago on Valentine’s Day Moor and her husband were returning home from a date. On the way home a driver clipped their car and her husband was killed in the crash.
Moor founded the Modern Widows Club in Central Florida earlier this year. The inspiration to mentor widows came after her long journey to learn to truly be happy again. Five or six years after the crash Moor thought she was doing pretty well. But after a media blitz including the Oprah show, where she was featured as an inspiration for troubled families, she realized that healing is indeed a transformation of the heart.
“I promised my husband three things, to take care of the girls, then 2 and 4, to honor the name she carried, and three to be genuinely happy and to learn how to love again,” said Moor. “The third promise was the hardest. Only I would know if I was genuinely happy. I was mad for making that promise. Geez! What was it going to take?”
Moor made peace with her promise by learning to love others and to use what she learned through the experience to mentor other women who were faced with a death of a husband. “I had to ask, where do you want me today? What is this life for? I didn’t want to live in that grief world anymore; I don’t want to live there.”
The journey started with an organization that helps families dealing with grief, New Hope for Kids.org. “When I started going, three months after I had been widowed, I couldn’t even say my name, I just cried,” Moor said. Moor now serves on the board and her Modern Widow’s Club is an extension of the services offered. “We have women come who are young and old. Some have been widowed 25 years, and some have remarried. But the mix brings hope at every level,” said Moor.
The Modern Widow’s Club isn’t about finding a new love; it’s about women finding themselves again. “I teach women the difference between living and striving. It’s hard to change how society sees widows. My goal is to expose women who are extraordinary. To ease the anxiety of women who fear this happening in life – if you don’t get divorced, there is only one way to separate from your husband, death,” Moor said.
The Modern Widow’s Club is about support. “We meet in different widow’s houses, we talk about everything, from dating to just getting real with each other. The most amazing conversations happen, and a lot of healing happens. Nobody wants to leave because it’s nurturing to be real, to laugh – it’s like breathing again,” Moor said.
Moor created her own curriculum and offers consulting services in person and through Skype. “I tell the ladies to always wear your invisible crown. Iron sharpens iron, and in those moments of life that are dark and shadowy pick up a bright pretty stone of experience and put it on your crown of accomplishment,” said Moor.” Soon you don’t even realize it, but your crown is shining brightly, completely encrusted and you are a perfect example of a truly radiant woman. You move from being a widow – to being a woman.”
When Moor is leading the group, she says it is effortless. “It fits me like a glove. It is what I am. I think I dispel a lot of fear and the women feel like “I can do this,“ Moor said. I want these ladies to hear their children say “Wow, my mom is awesome.”For Moor, it’s about remembering the life you have. “Yes, this happened, and it is tragic, but we are still alive and we are extraordinary and grateful for the gifts we have and we need to honor the life you do have.”
Do you know a widow? Consider doing Good, and honor love by being a special Valentine to a widow. Offer babysitting services, or a weekend off. Maybe even teach her a new a new skill. “Surprise her with candy and flowers, something a “normal” Valentine would get. It’s touching when you are thought of as a widow. It feels big, like big love just landed on your doorstep,” said Moor.
For some unique ideas on how to do something GOOD for a widow you know, visit http://modernwidowsclub.blogspot.com/
Learn about Carolyn Moor on FB. Follow her blog at www.modernwidowsclub.com.
and inquire about a MWC chapter for your city.
Find out about www.NewHopeForKids.org
After 5 years of being a widow this is the first place I have found that is truly making me feel like I am really going to survive my loss and truly be able to find a way to move forward in a positive and fulfilling way. Carolyn’s talents of understanding, nurturing and counseling are unequaled in my experience. The Modern Widows Club is a safe harbor where we are able to share, commiserate and grow. I am confident that each one of in our own time will be able to leave the safety of port and once again navigate out into the open seas having acquired the skills to face whatever challenges we meet.